Mental health is an issue that affects 1 in 4 people like myself, due to it not being a physical illness, society continues to withhold mental health education.
I am a sufferer of a mental illness and they are hands down the most unpleasant experience’s that I have ever been through. The lack of education led to me feeling alone and worthless, as I was unable to understand what was wrong with me, I had sought medical advice prior to my diagnosis where they had completely brushed over my feelings and told me it was likely to be from starting university. Prior to my diagnosis I was carrying out my nursing degree with no problem. When returning for my 2nd year I had settled back in well and was excited to continue my degree however as the end of September struck I noticed a drop in my mood, appetite and self worth, I couldn’t get through a day without having a panic attack or spending hours crying. I wasn’t myself, I had lost all the confidence I had, my appetite and my smile. I was trying to continue with my daily routine yet I was struggling to get out of bed and socialise with my friends or even get up and make myself a drink or a meal. My daily routine had become a chore.
I wasn’t aware how serious my health was until I finally went to seek help again where I was made aware that I had become a victim of anxiety and depression. This was a huge relief knowing that someone had finally listened to me and knowing that I wasn’t going mad.
At first I told my friends and family that I had anxiety but didn’t tell anyone that I had depression as I was scared that people would judge me for having ‘Depression’ and treat me differently or think that I was attention seeking. My mental health began to come more apparent when my friends and family noticed that I wasn’t my normal bubbly self and that I had lost a lot of weight. My depression had eaten 2 stone away from me in 4 weeks. I was having friends and family visiting me at university every weekend just to get me through the week.
My dad made the executive decision to tell one of my friends for me as I didn’t have the confidence to tell anyone how serious my illness was and I didn’t want everyone to find out and act weird around me. After trying to continue with my nursing studies and taking time to get to know my mental health I made the decision to take an interrupt to my studies and concentrate on my own health before my career.
The biggest thing that I have learnt since understanding my mental health is that having anxiety or depression isn’t a conscious decision- I didn’t choose to have either and would do anything not to, however they are subconscious responses to changes in your life or emotions. I am still receiving help to get me through each day, each day I wake up and tell myself that today is a different day and it doesn’t matter what happened yesterday, I won’t let it affect me. I am on the road to recovery, it could take years before I start feeling myself again however I have learnt a lot and my life has changed with this. Everyday I come back fighting more and more. I’ve started eating more, doing more and smiling more, which is a positive.
I wanted to spread awareness that just because you can’t see anxiety or depression doesn’t meant that people don’t have it. I’ve been told on many occasions that I don’t seem like the ‘type’ to have depression or “how can you have depression if you’re smiling” I smile because I’ve learnt that smiling makes people around me happy and knowing that I’ve made someone smile makes my day. Remember please don’t ever suffer alone, whether it means speaking to a member of family, a friend, family friend or a professional, there are people out there that are willing to listen and there are plenty who have been through the same that can share advice and help you when situations become too hard. You’re not alone. I promise you it will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and life will get better. It takes courage to get on the yellow brick road to recovery. We can get through this together!
Don’t face your mental health alone, you wouldn’t with your physical health.
I have decided to complete a skydive on the 1st July in order to raise money for ‘Mind’ a mental health charity close to my heart. If you would like to know more or sponsor then please visit my page:
https://www.gofundme.com/lifes-full-of-highs-and-lows
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
Life's Full of Ups and Downs 